Today is the first Monday in quite some time that I do not
plan to see my therapist. Not only will I not see him today, but I don't have
an appointment until June. I had been feeling that I was getting less and less
benefit from weekly appointments, so I am taking a break. Of course, not having
an appointment today makes me wonder what I will do this afternoon for
companionship. And it also makes me think of all the things I would talk to my
therapist about, if I had an appointment.
1. I continue to feel distant from my wife, at almost all times. I believe that
my wife feels connected to me (even though I don't think she possibly can be)
and we regularly exchange lots of "I Love You's" even though I am
again not sure if I feel that way. But having already once tried the "I'm
not saying it unless I am sure I really really mean it" approach, with
very bad results, I'll just keep saying it.
2. My wife worked Saturday. My oldest daughter and I rearranged the furniture
in her room, something she has wanted to do for quite some time. Like many
(most?) girls, she regularly changes her mind about what color her walls should
be. And I, like most parents, stall until she changes her mind again. This time
we went ahead with rearranging the furniture, even though there were several
elements of the proposed floor plan that I didn't like. I kept those thoughts
to myself; hey! its her room, right? So we did it, and she loves it. And she
loves me for helping her do it.
3. I was tougher with my youngest, and as a result, she accomplished some
homework that, in prior weekends if not being tough, she had not done. She has
gotten worse and worse about completing long-term assignments, so it was
necessary for her to do some work this weekend. She wasn't happy about it, but
we still found time for fun, and watching
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea on
DVD.
4. I found time to practice my guitar this weekend. The past several weeks I
have not played my guitars, and I'm really not sure why. Hmmmm, perhaps I'll
think more about that, because the reason is usually revealing.
5. I am chaperoning a field trip for my oldest daughter next Tuesday. The trip
leaves early in the morning, and gets back late. When I first heard about the
trip, I thought it would be great fun and I told my daughter I would love to
go. And I would. But it has raised all kinds of issues since then. First there
was the pain of seeing my daughter try unsuccessfully to get any other student
to join in our group. Then there is the whole issue of me finding someone to
take my youngest to school in the morning, and pick her up in the afternoon.
Because my wife will be working at both of those times. And so I deal with my
own issues of being excluded from the at-home-Mom groups to try and find one
day where someone will help me. Thankfully, my daughters are both considered
sweet, low-effort, well-behaved children, so it makes finding someone to help
easier than if they were terrors. Still, I started making my first call this
morning, and left a message. Pray for me :-)
And so that would be how it goes.
UPDATE!! WOOHOO! The Mom just called me back and said she would be delighted to
have my youngest over on Tuesday! She even offered to pick her up in the
morning! Wow! Not necessary, but nice for her to have offered :-)
